I've been 30 for the past 12 days now, and I'm already qualified to explain what it's all about. I have to tell you it's pretty good. I think I'm aging gracefully.
I'm coming off a good birthday, which I managed to milk for an entire week. And I'm still riding that high. Hear that? It's the power of positive thinking. Marie likes to quash that by reminding me how old I am now, but in a couple of weeks, she'll be in her late 20s. Who's old now?
So I feel like I need to muse about reaching a new decade in my life. I don't muse very much, so let the musing begin:
My birthday is fun because of the celebrities who share my day: Johann Sebastian Bach and Modest Mussorgsky (dead guys, but great composers), Timothy Dalton (my fifth favorite James Bond), Matthew Broderick (my favorite Ferris Bueller), Rosie O'Donnell (my favorite celebrity to hate) and one
Kevin Earl Federline (another great composer).
Speaking of celebrities, loads of them didn't even make it this far: James Dean, 24; Jimi Hendrix, 27; Jim Morrison, 27; Tupac, 25; Notorious B.I.G., 24; and Kurt Cobain, 27. But they all had serious problems.
Why should I care about celebrities? I've got my own concerns, like the fact that it's just 10 years until my first visit to the proctologist. Goodbye junk food. Hello fiber.
But I feel great. Like my friend Kristen said, 30 is the new 20. Does that mean 20 is the new 10?
This one blows my mind: If I get eight hours of sleep a day, that means I've slept a total of 10 years now. 10 years! I can't believe I've spent one-third of my life resting.
The gray hairs on my head continue their slow lateral assault while the brown ones on top seem to be retreating.
Even though I don't feel old, I can't help wondering if around the time I get my last child out of diapers, I'll be thinking about signing up for a pair of my own.
I've also been concentrating more on sucking in my gut, which is weird because I've been living for years under the assumption that I have no gut. The pounds that were so easily gained during a couple of years of snacking without adequate exercise seem to have caught up with me. Metabolism fail.
I've been wondering about what other 30-year-olds have accomplished. Some have become millionaires. Some are CEOs. Some are famous athletes. I fit exactly none of those categories.
Jesus started his ministry when he was baptized at age 30. Then, there were all of those miracles and the birth of Christianity. That seems daunting at best. If I happen to start a new religion, though, required reading would include the
Epistle of Joe.
I don't think I'll manage to do any of the above. What I have done, though, somehow, is land an amazing wife, two beautiful daughters and a job I love — all of which make the past 30 years feel like 30 minutes.